As of late I have had some good reasons to think about my past and it has been quite an interesting ride. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking on the subject and trying to figure out exactly what has had the biggest influence on where I am today. I know that every part of my life up until now has lead me here and without any part of it, things would be very different. Unfortunately, part of getting where I am was leaving some parts of my old life behind. Now I’m having trouble deciding which of those things I left behind were really necessary. Are there some things that I have given up or done with out that I could have as part of my life and still be where I am? It’s kind of an interesting concept to consider. I tend to think that a lot of things are not worth trying to incorporate back into my life.
I keep thinking about that saying that says something about people being in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I’ll try and find the exact quote and post it later. I took a lot of stock in that quote and I usually try to analyze past events in my life in those terms. Unfortunately, the vast majority of the people we meet are probably only going to be in our lives for a reason or a season. Only a very select few of our closest friends and family can and will be around for our whole lives. Anyways, little sidetrack there. If we take that as being true, and apply it to things in our lives as well as people, then what? If someone/thing was in our life for a reason or a season, do they get another season? Or do we have to assume that everything/one that got a season had a season and that’s all they get?
I know I tend to have a pattern of going back to things that I shouldn’t, repeating old relationships, I went back to smoking last winter, drinking more/drinking less, different jobs, different friends, different habits. It seems like 90% of the things in my life I was happier with before and I keep trying to reincorporate them into my life now. Most times, it ends up being a huge mistake and I end up having to bounce back from it. So how do you know when things are just bad for you or when they just happened at a bad time? Is this ever the case? The perpetual what if in the back of my mind is a powerful motivator for me and I think it’s something I need to try harder to repress. I have a hard time saying that everything past is past and to forget about it but I think I need to take a harder look at the past and evaluate things objectively. I act too frequently on a whim and get myself in trouble. Gotta stop that.
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